Destination Wedding Photographer | Jonas Peterson | Australia | Worldwide

Elissa - I’ve been waiting for something like this. Thank you.
(and one little detail – weddings don’t always have to be between a girl and a boy :)

Selena Barnes - Here here! Epic words Jonas. Let love rule.

Anda - I think your site will crash again as this post goes viral in a few minutes. I’ve had this conversation with every couple I’m booking for 2012. Some are afraid I won’t want to shoot their weddings because they are “simple people.” On the flip-side, some are already asking what blogs I will submit their weddings to afterward. I am tired of all weddings looking the same and I’m now out to remind my couples of exactly what you’ve written above. Give me a wildly-in-love couple with warm hearts and welcoming friends/family ANY day over a decked-out and gorgeous table setting. Cheers, Jonas.

Nick Coyne - Amen.

I huvudet på Elvaelva - “The rest is fluff.” Så sant, så sant. Och du är (som alltid) fantastisk på att sätta ord på både känslor, intryck och betraktelser. Heja! /s.

Jakob - Word.

Sally Watts - You are our Ambassador of Wedding Quan.

Narrelle - Bravo!!  And that’s a good Bravo, not one of those sarcastic ones… :)

tobiah - Amen to that.

Jenny Blad - My gosh! This was amazing to read – both your thoughts and your couples! I can honestly say that I got u wrong! No fun to admit but its true. I was thinking in your seminar that yeah yeah lets see in a few years when you have been working so hard on everyone elses happiness that u forgot to take care of your own – but that was just from my own life – thats what I did. I ended up happier in the end but thats another story!

By reading this post I realise now that u dont take things for granted and u think about what is important in life!… Taking care! I can only say that its soo soo nice to hear!

Love from Jenny Blad at scandinavian photo!

Jane - Så sant. Så jäkla sant.

Love.

jessica Roberts - You You’ve done it it again… and not only are you a brilliant writer so is Rachel I love how eloquently you both write… I’d be in trouble if you started a cult.

Tanya Malott - Some of us never got on that train. In fact, some of us, like you, never stopped believing it was always about something deeper, something else.

Thank you for writing this so well.

You speak for many of my friends, who shoot from the heart, to capture the soul of a wedding. We don’t really sign up for the hype, and know that a wedding is not all about the details.

It is all about the feelings….which are harder to catch on film, but far more precious in a decade or two.

Thank you for standing up and saying this.

Mark Quade - Yep. Absolutely nailed it. Less is more people!

Brian Davis - Well said. I’ve been thinking this for a while. Thank you for bringing it into the light.

Ben Godkin - Simply amazing! Glad someone finally had the balls to say it!

Mark Kalkwarf - Well said buddy. There is a lot to be said for ‘taking things back to basics’. As you pointed out the fault lies not only with the boy and the girl in love but us as photographers. We get so caught up in the technique, the settings, the ‘perfection’ of it all that we lose the meaning of what we are trying to do.

You are an inspiration to us all.

Adam Houseman - Amen to this.
And… what a sweet sweet letter.

James - Not much i can add that hasnt already been said…..well done buddy, well said

Megan - I am a blogger, and I do agree, weddings are about the marriage, and that is where the focus should lie. But I am not going to fault a bride for liking a certain style and doing her wedding the way she wants. If she like mason jars, who am I to say I don’t want to feature you cause mason jars are so over done? I’ve never featured a vintage wedding where the couple chose a vintage style because it is trendy right now. Each one of them has that same style reflected in their home, clothing, etc. Each one of them chose those details because they are meaningful to them. On my blog, a strive to instill the idea that ‘you be you’. A guest should walk into the reception and say ‘This is so ____ and ____!’
And we can only show what is sent to us. If you had sent me this wedding yesterday, I would have snatched it up in a heartbeat! Not all blogs are sitting around plotting how we can make more brides use mason jars! Look outside of the few top blogs and you will find plenty ready and will to feature gorgeous photography and meaningful stories.

wendy laurel - EXACTLY. This is exactly what Tory and I have been trying to do with our new blog.. we want the People.. and the things that matter to them. Did you read my article at KEH? Just exactly so. You nailed it.

nirav - Beautifully written dude. Thank you.

jacin {lovely little details} - here is my response http://lovelylittledetails.com/2011/05/10/advice-staying-true-to-your-vision-no-matter-what-others-may-say/

Lauren @ ELD - Ah there is a lot of this thought process going on right now. As a full time blogger who likes to focus on details (it’s in my business name), I would like to stand up for myself. :) I myself strongly encourage couples to create details for their weddings AROUND their relationship and their personalities. The weddings that I design have details and whole themes created around their relationship and personalities. And those are of course always the best. I agree, there are lots of things that can be considered trends right now, and I hate trends. But when it’s a bride who WANTS to use mason jars for her wedding because that’s what they drink out of at home, then she shouldn’t feel bad for using mason jars. When a bride who drinks out of martini glasses at home has mason jars at her wedding, now that’s a different story.

There’s a whole huge post that I could write about this, but right now I’ll just leave it at this:

I challenge everyone to a) find new blogs that encourage couples to use details in a manner that will reflect them, b) submit to those blogs so we don’t have to feature the “trendy” crap anymore and c) tell your brides about those blogs! :)

Please don’t blame all of the blogs. Some of us really try hard to inspire and educate brides :)

Pete Holmes - Choice words. Thanks for posting your thoughts. Totally different industry in the US and Australia than the UK. I’m no expert, but real people and real-life moments do it for me every time over details.

Kirsty - Magnificent!
You (& Rachel) made me cry &
Sally Watts made me laugh.

wendy laurel - Remember us.. we will blog LOVE and forget the details. All we need for our blog is amazing photography which you have by the bucketload. let the kids dot com

cam - Well written and probably what we’ve all been thinking. I think as photographers the stories are somewhat already written prior to the shoot at the moent. I have been struggling with this for a few years and it has almost forced me out of the industry. I was interested in documentary photography the likes of McCullin, Bill Brandt, Isis, James Nachtway and Robert Capa. But now I find I am shooting a style which is foreign to me and I am uncomfortable with, mainly because it’s what people require and in some ways is a false account of the day. Years ago I shot weddings with one, yes one Niokn FE, a 50mm lens and a bunch of Tri-x film. It was much more simple and raw. Somewhere along the line I have strayed from why I started photography and what I think made my work different, there was a raw sense of emotion and it sparked something in people. I was recently looking at alot of early work recently and how raw it was. Now I am not sure where I am going, I have strayed from the original path and I wish I could find it again, with a mortgage and children I am being led by what people will pay me for and not what my heart says, I want to get back there and to have those feelings I had when I was a teenager starting in photography. I am going back to look at the great books I have and to sell gear and strip things back and remember that my particular photography came from somewhere deep within and it is at present lost. Thank you Jonas for writing this article, I have been thinking so much about these things lately, you are brave and I thank you. Wishing you and your family well for the year ahead….Cam…

Porter - Very well said, Jonas. Thank you for your voice in this industry that revolves around love. Without love – there would be no weddings, no couples, no happy places or feelings or memories… the world can & could be a very ugly place. Thank you for being a voice for love. We need more of this today.

Lei-Ann - Thank you so much for this. I am almost at the end of a very busy wedding season. I always tell my bride to spend their money where it will show up in a picture. What I love the most is when a bride say’s “I trust you” and leaves the “DETAILS” to me. Those are the bride’s that I feel in my heart know what the true meaning of a wedding is and what love it about.
Happy Flowers has been in this business for 25 plus years and am happy to see bride’s do more of the details themselves. Put their love and time into the wedding planning.
Thank you again,
Lei-Ann

Jasmine - This is why when I get married, I just want to sign a piece of paper.

ed peers - God bless you Jonas.

Fiona - Here here! Beautifully written. What a special experience you have had with Jeff and Rachel. It’s amazing how sometimes our clients can bless our lives with such beautiful friendships. Awesome Jonas.

Samantha Vanderlist - Boom!

Amanda Thorson - truth.

Andy Gaines - Amen brother. I read a similar themed blog post on the UK wedding ‘scene’ (for want of a better word) recently and it is so (sadly) true.

Jonathan Encarnacion - Nailed it bud. Well said.

gina - what could i possibly add that isn’t already said here…but i will…thank you. just the image of the two of them sitting huddled together was enough to stir something. bravo.

Mindi - AMEN, Jonas. I am so tired of submitting weddings to blogs and magazines in order to get our name out to other photographers and the masses only to be told over and over “really we love your work so don’t stop submitting, but this one doesn’t fit our focus or is lacking in the certain type of details we’re looking for”!!!! We shoot for feelings. We shoot for emotions. We don’t shoot staged engagements of Alice in Wonderland, or Little Red Riding Hood, or some other such nonsense which have both been featured on several blogs! The regular weddings, gorgeous in their own right, just don’t get a whiff of attention. It’s like high school all over again. A select few great photographers, cause their work is great, are who get on the top five blogs over and over again. The rest of us, get on some of the lesser known ones and are greatful for that, but it can be very frustrating and makes you feel like you stink at what you do no matter how many great reviews, letters, comments and emails you receive. I’d love it if for once if the playing field was leveled and the regular weddings which are occurring all over the country could get a shot at being featured. But the reality is, just like in mainstream magazines, no one wants the “regular” wedding to feature because it doesn’t draw the readership. People want to see what they don’t have. The majority of brides are not DIYing up a storm as evidenced by the above yet they get all the coverage.

Rory Amber - I’m going to print this out and reread it before every wedding I shoot so my head’s in the right place. Thank you Jonas, sincerely.

Alan - Dude. I got nothing but an amen.

Penny van Wieringen - You truly touched me, it’s evident by the single tear that escapes down my cheek

Shelley Paulson - I’m not sure I’ve ever agreed with a blog post more than this. Thanks for putting it out there. If enough people raise their voices like this, things can change and sanity can return to weddings!

natt - love this post…so true

Nic Parsonson - I have read this over a few times. I adore your work, you see things others are too busy to notice, or like you say “focused” on the detail beast.
Some people want their wedding and their exposure on these blogs, and in the magazines. That’s why they exist. I think if someone is fortunate enough to have you capture their day, they already know how lucky they are.
You are already enough. Avoid the foolishness, it will always be there.

kacy jahanbini - i love you… everything you do… and stand for. thanks for keeping those that aspire awake.

jenberry - We married on the beach. Six other people present. A sale rack dress. Homemade Hawaiian bouquet. Our friend as the “minister”. A small dinner with fish we caught from the Hawaiian Ocean. Danced to music on the ipod. FOUR months later my husband was diagnosed with Cancer. Two and a half years later we are still fighting the pesky lil bugger. It was the most perfect day. No drama. No worrying about details, only each other. I married the love of my life in sickness and health. That’s all that matters. (only mistake was that we didn’t have a photographer, boooo us)

Daniel - Damn right, well said Jonas

Maximiliano Barros - Well said man! Amen!

Britty - So glad you feel that way too. I’ve been waiting for someone to write something like this this :)

Brit @ Landlocked Bride - As both a wedding planner and blogger – everything I do is rooted in the story. The love story and the couple. While the details are pretty, the story is more important to me with every wedding I work and every wedding I feature.

Thank you for the reminder. But, also know that brides also look to us (whether it be a magazine, blog or as a wedding professional) to provide them with some source of inspiration. Whatever it may be. The important thing is to never lose sight of the story. The marriage.

Kim - You summed it up perfectly Jonas! Over the detail hype. Bring back the love and connection between couples and forgo the trinkets.

William - Excellent piece, and superb advice – :)

kelly gilbert - Holy shit!

Johan Hagelin - Well said Jonas. If you look at many blogs today it almost feels that the photographer “have to” find a cool detail, like an old rusy train for background or something similar. It is never enough with just the happy couple. It’s sort of more about the photographer getting his/her trendy shot than the couple really wanting this. I could go on here. But you make a very good point here. Everyone needs to go back to basics sort of. Thanks for writing this. Tack Jonas.

Stephen Rotondo - Well put Jonas, and Rachel writes beautifully. Tracy M; your ‘Love > bunting’ comment made me smile!

mishe - spirit…soul…

danielle - REAL !!!

Tamera - Thank you for this. I love me some details too, but it’s time for a reality check. The blogs are becoming more and more ridiculous every day. As a photographer I’d rather capture one revealing, fleeting, emotional moment than a million pictures of shoes and cake toppers and mason jars filled with wildflowers. It’s so much more precious. In the end it’s all that matters.

Andreas - Thanks for sharing Jonas! So good.

Nena - You are SO right, Jonas! And what a touching email from Rachel!

fiona kelly photography - Wonderful words and exactly what needs to be remembered. All the details are an important part but are not and should never be more important than the two people who are in the middle of the whole day. I will definitely make sure to remember that more. Thanks Fiona

Jennifer Hejna - thank you so much for this post – you said it out of my heart I just couldn’t find the words. Great article.

Kevi - I have re-read you blog post a few times and am trying to get at exactly what you are suggesting Jonas.. let me say this first before I continue…”I love your work!”
…But have you just shot yourself in the foot with a post like this?
After reading all of the 123 comments, I found 2 comments which didn’t support your views. Am I seriously part of that measly minority? Surely they must have misunderstood what you really mean.
Bewildered, I continued to scroll down for a peek at the Rachel and Jeff wedding and feel that this is a perfect example of what you love (the detail)! Yet your readers feel this detail is what you are referring to that needs to be stripped back.
From the vintage key on the letter, the teapot and saucer, the chalkboard, mini pegs, twine,old polaroid, old glass windows, the grandparents plates and cutlery all the way to the bocce set…this is detail! Or is it just fluff as your say?
On the other hand, the images are full of emotion, love, character and give you a true feel of what it was like on the wedding day whether you look at them now or in 50 years’ time.
I don’t believe the wedding train has derailed at all, well in most instances anyway. Yeh sure people get carried away with the budget (or no budget at all), but couples choose to have their wedding the way they do because of their own particular reasoning’s.
Strip it back, peel the layers off… but please don’t be left with 500 photos in 20 years’ time asking yourself what the wedding meant to you!

Amanda Caroline - A courageous statement and a joy to read as it resonates so well. Thankyou.

Julie - What’s that old chestnut? “A picture of something beautiful doesn’t make it a beautiful picture”. Great post, Jonas, and it echoes what a lot of photographers are feeling at the moment. I purposely post as few details on my blog posts as possible and focus on emotion and interactions between people on a wedding day. Why? Because it’s what I personally want, and love to see. This can be hard when everyone is showing pretty things and you feel like you should also be following the trends. But being a photographer, or anything creative, is about being true to yourself and not wavering from it in the midst of so many influences that are out there, especially now. If you love the details, then show them. If you love the emotion, then show that. When clients look at your work, they should be connecting with a set of images that also represent YOU. For everyone who’s posted up here in agreement to JP, how about not showing any details on your next blog post?

Simon Walden - Pretty spot on there Jonas. Fortunately the UK is a little behind the US on over the top irrelevant weddings – still a lot of very traditional themes.

That said, the wedding day should be a special day – but I agree its better when it is in keeping with the wedding couple.

This weekend I shall be shooting a psychobilly / vintage 50′s themed wedding !! But, that is the couple, it is exactly the way they live there lives from day to day. The day will be terrific and meaningful.

iván - gran alegato en favor de la fotografía de momentos ,sentimientos ambientes,melancolias y cariño mucho cariño y por otra parte en contra de el pestiche del jarron de las galletas el trozo de tarta y toda la parte materialista simplista y inanimada de una boda…

Usy - I have just opened my eyes.

Fawn Thomas - Wow!! This is one of the best blog posts that I have read in a really long time.

I am a destination wedding planner… I ALWAYS tell my clients no matter what their budget, it is not about the decorations. Memories are not created by the decorations, rather by the celebration of love, their love, the love of those gathered to celebrate.

The best decorations I have ever seen are those of the smiles on the couples faces,those of their friends and family sharing the moment.

Have always encouraged clients to spend their “wedding budget” on memorable experiences, hula lessons,zip lining.. anything their group would enjoy.

Biggest expense should be on a great photographer who will capture all of the decorations the smiles and memories, that will last long after the flowers fade and the cake is eaten.

Thank you so much for reminding all of us, brides, grooms, planners etc.. the true reason for this gala event.

Put your party shoes on .. cuz the party is on!

Smile because you are loved

Ignore the temptation of a styled wedding shoot, the one thing missing is love.. they leave me cold… do not leave your guests with the impersonal feeling that you are so worried about the details you forget the importance of marrying your best friend.

Mimmi Bergenstam - Du är helt fantastisk Jonas! Vilken text, jag har kopierat den och ramat in – ska sätta upp den på väggen när jag finner en lämplig “stenväggs-spik” som kan fästa i dessa tjocka väggar! :) Du är min definition på hur bröllopsfotografering ska vara och se ut! Äkta. Varmaste, Mimmi

Anita - “Weddings are about people, it’s about commitment and celebrating love. It’s about you. Build on that and everything else will follow.” Bravo! Bravo!

We were married this year at one of the town squares and had a cocktail style party at a house we shared with some close friends for the weekend. True, this is Savannah GA and not many cities are as pretty as this however we opted out of the mason jars, decorated tables, etc and let what is already here be enough.

The only staging we did was put up a world globe. First of all because I wanted one for our home anyway, and this was a perfect opportunity to add one thing that every time we look at it we are reminded of our wedding day. Also, we are both world travelers and up until the wedding I lived in Europe while my husband is American deployed in the Middle East. We had a destination wedding with guests flying in from all over the US and Europe thus the globe was fitting.

We also opted out of a wedding party. I did not want bridesmaids that had to be “at work”, I wanted ALL of our friends to celebrate and have a good time. We did not want to make anyone seem more important to us than others as we love them all dearly and equally.

The only reason we had flowers was because my bonus daughter asked to be our flower girl and decided she and I needed bouquets. Which meant having a florist create something the day before (!) from whatever leftover flowers she had in her cooler.

We were married by a friend of mine whom is a pastor. Our photographers were also close friends of mine and even they were told to kick back and have fun. Our “details” were the salt covenant which our Pastor suggested to include in the ceremony, and my husband’s sister did the hand fasting ritual later with our children and friends naming the symbols of the different color ribbons.

Nothing makes us happier than seeing how our friends have bonded and become friends also, because we opting for a less formal and detail oriented wedding. We always claim our friends are our family and the only thing that mattered to us was to share our love and commitment with those closest to our heart.

Paul Krol - as an aspiring wedding photographer (i have only shot 2 weddings so far) I find your words and pictures like a cool glass of water on a hot day. Refreshing. Satisfying. Necessary.
Looking at it from the big picture, by re-focusing on the little things (details), and remembering what it is all about. My job will be to ‘capture their moments during their wedding day’ and i suppose that includes getting shots of smiles, tears, hugs, handshakes, and of course those details you speak of. So it comes down to making a conscious effort to put more emphasis on the love between the couple and less on the artificial stuff. Thus it becomes important to have this discussion with the couple before the wedding day and to have the proper mentality on day of. Seems obvious..doesn’t it?
I know that before i shoot my next wedding, I will go back to your last two posts and re-read them and remind myself of what my job will be and when i think of it that way I feel at ease and confident. Its not about me. Its about them.
Thank you, sir.

Diane Faye Zerr - I think every couple gets caught up in the details, because the details are what make up the bigger picture of a wedding. But when you get down to it (or peel back the layers) it really is about the couple, and nothing else.

That’s how my wedding day felt, it was about us and our love for each other. There was one moment that I will always remember: my uncle (and godfather) walked up to me and said “You’re really in love aren’t you?” and of course I answered “Yes, I am”

That moment wasn’t captured on film, it wasn’t bought, and it wasn’t planned. But it is the one thing that sticks in my mind because I wanted people to know how much we loved each other and how much we loved everyone that we invited, and it showed.

Nathan Simmons - I am so glad you wrote this! I’ve been feeling this way for months and thought I was in the minority. Thanks for sharing!

scott williams - Agree with everything you said except when I clicked on your portfolio the very first picture is a detail shot of a mason jar…. me thinks you might want to revise your portfolio if you’re going to truly adopt this manifesto. :)

Christie O. {Hindsight Bride} - The truth is industry professionals may never know what goes into the thought process for selecting details or not. This is typically and individual choice for each bride. I’ve posted my own thoughts on details on my blog. I thought it might give you and your readers some perspective from a real bride who loves details and as a professional wedding blogger who still loves details (though I publish plenty of modest weddings too.)

http://hindsightbride.com/2011/10/27/missed-advice

I think we need to remember that the choices we make for ourselves may not be the choices others would make, and that’s OK. With the emergence of new media, there seems to be a place for everyone, whether in the blogoshpere or the social media landscape. There are many, many options.

If you ever shoot a wedding light on details, might I suggest you submit to a blog like 30 Something Bride or Kiss My Tulle. If it’s in a mountain region, I’ll accept it.

Ruth Rutherford - P.S. You are totally Jerry McGuire writing a manifesto in the middle of the night. Show me the money!

Gustav Ceder - I’m feeling skeptical to your idea that commerce entering or affecting peoples’ choices or tastes when it comes to arranging weddings is wrong.

It’s kind of what commerce do, be it “details” or THINGS – people want to buy an idea, and as long as there are people guiding others by creating great stuff (i.e. you inspiring others), there is always going to be an anomaly market or whatever that will suck the goodies from the original idea and make good money on it “giving people what they want”, with or without heavy advertisment.

So in the end, all this did was to strengthen your own trademark JONASPETERSON even more.

Congrats, mr. Copywriter.

Fotograf ślubny Lublin - Amen Jonas! You must be realy good person.

Anton Chia - Exactly, you said it well. Thank you.

Abby Larson - So beautifully written Jonas and honestly, I think that this piece will ignite a thoughtful and constructive conversation that will help bloggers, magazines, vendors and brides to find their place in the world of weddings. I wrote a long response though I don’t want to take away from all of the other provoking and meaningful comments here because it’s absurdly long, so you can read it on backstage…

http://backstage.stylemepretty.com/2011/10/its-all-in-the-details-or-is-it/

Hopefully it will provide some insight into how SMP understands the way that weddings are designed, captured and consumed. Thanks for getting this discussion going in such an elegant way, Jonas. Hopefully, your post will set the bar for how change is actually made.

Jennifer Hardiman - Bautifully written and so very true. A wedding is about two people in love vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. We are planners and we love DETAILS…but when you are so focused on the details and forget about the marriage then there is a problem.

Well done!

Ashley A - All I have to say is we didn’t have an amazing photographer. Luckily the 2nd shooter was a good friend and amazing photographer who captured what I knew I felt for my husband which is what I wanted on our walls at home. This post shows that it isn’t about the money or about showing up, but that there are photographers who do care about their clients and who care about what they’re doing. So thank you for doing what you do and for reiterating to the world that it is about the boy & girl and not everything else, but also that photography is just as important because it captures that timeless love in one shot :)

Matts - Well, not much to add, I believe most have already been said. Very true words indeed! If you think about it, not only for marriages but for almost every aspect of our lives. We all need to be true to who we are, in every day life.

On a side note, it’s really good to see some of your writing again, I do believe I have missed it! ;)

Eric Uys - Well said brother in arms, well said!

Sara - Amen, Jonas. Amen. Every single word. Perfect. xx

Rachel Nickel - I definitely see both sides of this. I DO think that details are lovely, and if part of a brides personality and vision are so important. What saddens me the most is that it ‘feels’ like if it’s not new and amazing, it’s not worth being published or featured. I just sent out a wedding to a few blogs that is gushing with details that the bride spent months trying to solidify. She had such a hard time combining elements, that when she finally settled on her theme/details it was a huge accomplishment. She asked me to submit it to a few blogs, and I was more than happy to help. It was rejected by one blog because ‘the details have been seen before, and we are really looking for something original.’… That sort of response makes me slightly agitated because it feels like blogs are trying to compete with who can be the best, think of the next big thing, and who can execute it in the most creative and un-thought of way ever!!! It didn’t matter that there was a photo of the bride in her blusher veil, smiling brilliantly behind the tears as she’s meeting her groom for the first time, or that the entire crowd sang a hymn as she entered and there wasn’t a dry eye to be found, or that she wore her grandmothers wedding dress from the 1950′s when she was married in France to honor her OR that the grooms ring was his grandfathers, who recently passed. None of that mattered. The feelings behind this amazing event were set aside because it wasn’t a new, brilliant idea.

amy seager - I LOVE this! My friend just directed me to your post and I agree totally! And strangely I wrote a post like that yesterday about how weddings should be personal and how I’m sick of people pinching ideas in the hope of ending up on every wedding blog going, when really it is about the man and the woman and the marriage!
Thanks for writing this – it’s perfect! And I’d love you to take the time to read mine too and see what you think!

Love from
Amy
x

John Starns - Spot on Jonas, agree totally, glad we feel the same way!

amy seager - ooops, my computer didn’t send any replies and then sent 3 instead!

Marley - Jonas – I actually think you are inside my head!

This is exactly what I have been struggling with for the past few months – people putting in their two cents about things that they think are important for a wedding. You’re exactly right – it’s all just fluff and what’s important is the love and respect you have for each other.

One of the THE most paramount lessons I learned in my first year of University is that there is beauty in simplicity.

Who cares if the bridesmaids dressing aren’t matching? Who cares if the groom is wearing a suit he already owns? Who care if there isn’t a big bloody diamond sitting on your ring finger? I dont! And people who have come to share in the celebration of your love aren’t going to remember what colour bows were tied to the back of their chairs.

What they will remember is how much love the two of you shared and how much fun they had in being there to witness and celebrate that love!

Jonas – thank you for your honesty and for reinforcing the idea that it’s ok to just be.

I cannot wait for you to shoot our wedding!

Much love,
Marley

Sansaara - JONAS PETERSON…YOU ARE MY HERO!

john warren - never a truer word has been said !!!

Rich Copley - Well done, sir. I have been to a number of weddings in the past year in a number of shapes and sizes. Some went perfectly, some went off the rails. But the conclusion was always the same, two people who were madly in love got married, and that was all that really mattered.

S - Amen!

Mrs Minogue - Where were you when I got married :-) My family made my wedding into a circus and everyone forgot that it was about us. We are now renewing our vows with just us and the celebrant. Because all that counts is my husband been there with me holding my hand and looking into my eyes :-) Its such a shame people get so caught up in unnecessary details. What you wrote was spot on and well said :-)

Ever - I agree. Having just gotten married (tried to book you, but never got an answer) I really agree that it very quickly turned into a frenzy of getting every single detail right and my biggest memory from the day is probably all the things that we forgot or didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I know it is terrible to think like that, but still… to be honest, that is how it feels.

Details are great but quickly gets overwhelming.

Secondly, very few blogweddings are original – most of the feature exactly the same stuff, even the same flowers. Boring.

David del Val - TOTALLY agree Jonas! I want to do wedding reports, no fashion reports. Best wishes from Barcelona ;)

Wedding Photographer - I’m fairly new to the wedding business, but I have shot several weddings where it just feels like wedding by numbers. No love, no vibe, no real feeling of anything.

A wedding should be as personal to you as possible. That’s it. That’s all I have to say, it’s not about all the other fluff as you say. It’s about celebrating love and sharing that with others.

Dona Hope east - I read every word of this. Yours and theirs. Love your idea. I just recently married (4mos now) and we so enjoy our simple life. We are what some might call elderly. I love showing how it’s never too late to live happily ever after. We eloped and had a reception on our return. It was so much fun. I wouldn’t change a thing. It was all about our immense love and delicious food and good wine and toasts and laughter. So much laughter. I’m going to forward to my young bride friends who are in the throes of their planning. Thank you, Jonas, for sharing your good thoughts.

crystal - Thank you for putting into words what so many of us have probably been thinking for a long time! I read this about 9 hours ago for the first time (roughly midnight/1 am) but didn’t leave a comment. For some reason this was one of the first things I thought of this morning!
I’m not a wedding photographer, but everything you said about your approach to capturing life as it happens resonated with me. That’s exactly what I strive to do; staging/posing isn’t real, and that’s not what I want to capture for people (though I did portraits for several years, and was able to guide people…).

Anyway i keep seeing all these wedding pictures from different photographers, and wondering if a ceremony even happened at all! Everything is so detail-oriented and staged, you almost never see actual true emotion or interaction in the pictures that are shown! No wonder so many people are getting divorced– a wedding has become more about making a big deal of yourself, instead of a celebration of your relationship with the person you’re vowing to spend the rest of your life with.

When my husband and I got married 6 years ago, I was so focused on US that I didn’t really care about details. “Centerpieces? Our guests don’t care what a table looks like in the dark!” lol (yes, we did have centerpieces, and I don’t remember what they looked like, it just wasn’t that important to me.) And I consider myself a pretty creative person! There were more important things to focus on that day! :)

Sorry for the book! Thank you for being a breath of fresh air!

Michelle Feeney - Awesome, well said, beautiful. I’m tearing up.

Joanna - Jonas! Underbart!

Nate - thanks.

larry - Hey Jonas. I’m sure I’m echoing the same thing that everyone else has shared, but wanted to say thanks for sharing the same feeling that I’ve had for so long. Great job man!

Neil Redfern - Great post – I could not agree more! :-)

karolina pettersson - I. Die. Sitter och grinar som ett litet barn framför datorn. Beautiful post. Straight from, and straight to the heart.

Ricki Ford - i hope you don’t mind if i facebook this we have a lot of brides and wedding planners that need to hear this. i love it!

Shona - Thank you.
THANK YOU.

I am in love with a man that literally makes me smile every time I think about him.
It’s not a dramatic kind of love. It’s not explosive or mindblowingly-exciting.
It’s sure. It’s deep. It’s unwavering.

And I want to marry him.
I don’t (just) want a wedding.
I actually want to be married.
I’m looking forward to the day after our honeymoon…
when we actually start our real life together.
I’m looking forward to fighting about socks lying around the house,
and sharing meals every day
and waking up to crinkle my nose at his morning breath.

Weddings should be about celebrating that.
At least ours will be.
It’s a huge party… a massive love festival,
celebrating, not just our love, but the love of everyone in the room -
for each other, for us,
for love existing.

Weddings have been hijacked.
But they don’t have to be.
“The Industry” doesn’t actually ever get married…
people do.

And I have every intention of taking it back.
At least for one day.

But thanks…
for saying what we all feel
with Jonas flair.

Libby - Fantastic..sharing <3

Koren Harvey - Civil Celebrant - Jonas, I couldn’t agree more. It’s so easy for couples to get caught up in things looking or sounding perfect, when the perfect part is already there – the love between the two of them.

I often tell couples that the place could be on fire, but they wouldn’t notice once the one they love is next to them. The most important part of the day is that the two of them stand up and say proudly, ‘this is the one I choose.’

After all, you’re getting married, not wedding-ed.

Steve Dalgetty - “There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” – Aristotle. Love the manifesto. Don’t stop saying what you’re thinking.

pat - have to disagree jonas, you are one of the people that promote and benefitted from those blogs too remember? now obviously you have a very strong and loyal follower who nod and agrees with whatever you said, even if you said the earth is flat!
You have to remember that these blogs are all about promoting INSPIRATION, its never about showing the lovey dovey couple, they’re not blogs for photographers to showcase how they can “capture” the day.
These blogs are about showing couples ideas about what they can do on their wedding day. Wedding is still the biggest day in people’s live, so yes, they want the best, they want to look the best. they want what’s in season now, latest dress design, not their grandmother dress. and thats how life is, we all want whats new, so what? thats how it goes with everything else in life. latest iphone, laptop, shoes, clothes, car, you name it.
so what if it doesnt mean anything to them? and how do you know it means or doesnt mean anything to them? did you ask them? since you’re not married let me give you a hint, when people look back at their wedding day 30 years down the track or even 3 years, they want to remember everything, yes, EVERYTHING, the cake, flowers, invitation, and the dress from hoya de la poopy

Amos - THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
I hope that EVERYONE will read this and that it will catch like wildfire like every last copied trend to infinity. I ALWAYS tell my couples that THE most important thing is THEM, then the photos, then maybe the dress b/c come on I am a girl. ;)
The details don’t matter. What someone 3x removed on some distant relatives side thinks, certainly does not matter, and what someone’s mama thinks…DOES NOT MATTER. They had their wedding, this is about the two people sitting in front of me and NOTHING more. I tell the story of how my OWN wedding got lost in details that didn’t have anything to do with us (which happened long before all these trends happened) and frankly my husband and I showed up and said some vows at some other person’s wedding. It had our names on the invitations, people were there to celebrate us, but they were at someone else’s wedding. Not the simple, easy-going day of celebration we’d started out with in our minds..but some big over-priced (and not NEARLY as much as most people’s) thing with hundreds of people I’d never even met staring at me in the over-priced gown I really didn’t even want. It saddens me still to this day. We were pushed into the location, the attire, the decor, the PHOTOGRAPHERS etc… it had nothing to do with us at all and everything to do with all the people staring at us. For all we spent on these details that meant nothing to us, we couldn’t even afford to go on a honeymoon to celebrate US.
I try to tell all of my potential clients this, immediately out of the box. Even if they don’t hire me, I could care less. Even if it is just a random person who’s newly engaged, it is ALWAYS the second thing from my lips after ‘congratulations’.
I wonder how many people have actually JUST gotten married to someone that seemed good enough so they could maybe end up on some wedding blog for all the cool crap they found at garage sales and thrift stores?
It is, indeed, out of hand and thanks for being able to write so nicely at a ridiculously early hour. ;)

Catherine Nguyen - Loud applause. Your “manifesto” came up between me and another photographer who shoots weddings. She had just battled a true bridezilla: think commando drill sergeant in Vera Wang. While being shot by the head photographer, she was yelling at my friend to, “shoot this!” and “did you get that?” She is someone who probably could have benefitted from your words about focusing on the people you’re with and the person you love.

Julia Manchik - Very well written. We all knew we’d gone a little too far but nobody wants to admit it. Thanks for writing this. What a beautiful couple you got to work with! I am so happy you guys found each other.

James Day - Hey Jonas,

I am glad to read this. Being a wedding photographer myself, I felt so much pressure leading up to our wedding and making it detail rich. I remember looking at the plot where our wedding was to be held (on my mum’s property) and thinking, oh my gosh we have so much space to fill with details. There was stress involved with this, but ultimately it ended up being an opportunity to be surrounded by the stuff we love.

We had lollies & chocolates anywhere & everywhere. We had my grandparents furniture holding them, we had photos of those we love around the place and we even had the cheapest, tackiest fake sun hanging from a tree because my wife said, she just hopes we get a glimpse of sun at our wedding. It was hanging there the entire time where the ceremony was held. I found it the morning of the wedding when I realised it was going to be a cloudy day. It was my way of letting my wife know that I love her and that I was listening to her when she said that.

I’m always the only adult lining up to buy fairy floss, or cotton candy…so we had that too… My wife is always one to organise a “slushie” machine for any event she’s planning. We just had to have that too.

All these things came together to help our guests have a great time and help us celebrate the love and commitment we wanted to proclaim publicly.

Would we have had a beautiful, love filled wedding with out these details? Yes. Did we NEED any of them. No. It was fun, but it definitely wasn’t the core of our celebration of love.

I am so grateful for blogs like Polka Dot Bride who continue to show the images that share the love and commitment that people have declared.

I for one and fully on board with this and will continue to remind my clients that the reason I am there is to create images that act as a reminder of the love that they share, not just the stuff that they bought. I won’t just submit images to blogs that are detail rich, but ones that beautifully capture the love between the two.

I am so grateful that you are standing up in this industry. You’ve raised the bar for photographers and now you’re standing up to remind us what it’s all about.

For that I applaud you.

I wish all the best to you and the lovely lady that you love.

JD

p.s. Thank you again for the beautiful photos of Catherine & I. We love them more every day as our love grows stronger.

Randy - First of all, this is a great post and you make a great point. However, I had to laugh when I clicked on your first wedding gallery. Almost ALL the images in your gallery from that wedding are detail shots. Be the change you wish to see happen… :)

Mark Andrew - This needed to be said! I was joking on Twitter about mason jars 3 weeks ago and this is my perspective. In rural Maine we use mason jars to pickle veggies & jar fruit to get through the winter. Not wedding doodads. Jars look better with pickles

Krista - amen.

erin - you said everything i feel. i was just talking to my assistants about all this yesterday. thank you for sharing. you are truly gifted.

Abi Litwa - Ive just republished to my fb page! wow words arent enough!!

damon - many many thanks for this article !! so inspiring so right!!

Anonymous - You have had so many hits on this post, it is viral what a great way to promote yourself you little sly marketing guru.

Martina - Well, then don’t have mason jars and fairy lights in YOUR wedding. These couples know they are in love and are gathering together friends and family. Their desire for details doesn’t mean they have forgotten their primary purpose, or they are any less in love. Live and let live.

LaneEllen - I’m…not even sure where to start here. No wait…I do.

Where were you ten years ago when the trend was sophisticated, sleek weddings with no hair out of place? You know what I say? Hallelujah to hay fields and lavender and mason jars.

From the start, one should be asking: what is important in our wedding? Just because the look has become more rural than metroplitan doesn’t change that. The details don’t have to make the meaning and purpose of a wedding any less. But just as much as you clean up the house and arrange food on a plate for people coming over for a dinner party, you decorate and plan for a wedding.

Which means, make it you. If you wouldn’t clean up your house or arrange food on a place for a dinner party, they you’re not likely the type to make your wedding so detail-oriented.

Despite the trends (which I could really care less about), some of us actually /like/ these things, feel a connection with mason jars and lights and flags. Some of us prefer an atmosphere that is more natural and feels like home.

These little details are a part of who my husband and I are, and they contributed so much to our wedding: they helped us feel like we were putting something together that was /us/, where WE felt comfortable showing all of them our love.

What you write here shouldn’t be a manifesto against the mason jar trend, but perhaps the adherence to trends that do not resonate with WHO YOU ARE or WHAT YOUR LOVE IS ABOUT. But…that would be futile, wouldn’t it? The fashion industry, the photographers, the whole marketing design world is out there to tell us what you love, right?

In summary, I think your message gets lost by attacking the details rather than focusing on the meaning and purpose of weddings – simple or ornate. Ironic, eh?

zalex - heeei…

“When I was younger I used to record mix tapes and give to girls I liked.”

same here! :)

Ian Wilkinson - Can’t believe I missed all the fun here !! Couldn’t agree more Jonas. You clearly aren’t saying details aren’t important, just that the promises you make to each other, and the good times with family and friends are where the magic is.

Anna - Finally!!! Thank you :) //Anna

Justine Russo - I literally held my breath while I Read this! I could have written it myself…though definitly not as well!
I completely agree 100%…I LOVE the details, I am so detail oriented, but disagree with couples that add details that aren’t them…that worry so much about their wedding being featured…or photographers who focus so much on the details they miss out on the couples story…their romance, their connection. That speaks significant volumes over what centerpieces they had at their wedding.
I have submitted photos to wedding blogs only to have the engagement session turned down because they didn’t have more than one outfit on. Really? Does that really hinder the quality of the photos, of their love?
Thank you so so much for being so open, for posting this. I know i will come back to read it again and again.

beth - I thought – Oh no, the author’s going to scold me for choosing mason jars for the reception centerpieces. And then I read the manifesto.

When my daughter told me she was engaged, and I knew I would end up being the wedding planner (because I love planning weddings and events), the first thing I did – before I ever let them talk to me about the details – was ask them what they wanted people to feel and know about them. I needed to know what they envisioned in a wedding and how they wanted people to celebrate their event.

And after hearing their words, we chose a farm setting for the wedding. I keep pointing them to that question, just to keep them grounded and true to who they are.

We can all get wrapped up in the details, and truth is, details can make for great ceremonies. But what’s most important is the celebration.

Thanks for the reminder.

Visitor - Just one comment, based on a quote from your article:

“When I was younger I used to record mix tapes and give to girls I liked.

Every detail was thought out, every letter, every scribble, every word on that tape had meaning.”

So why is this different from sharing a wedding with someone that, i’m going to assume, you not only like but love? It’s like the largest mix tape to your future spouse, wrapped up in a party. When you do things with someone you love, and you love details too, then it is a natural step to be detail-oriented for something you are so excited about. Not everyone focuses so much on details that they forget the important part of the wedding. Buying mason jars does not automatically mean that you are not excited about the actual *marriage*. That’s just a weird correlation to make. Anyone can fall down the path of focusing too much on the wedding details [decorations] but it’s not vintage typewriter [bad] vs guest registry book [good]. The wedding can be as traditional for their area as all get-out, and the people planning it can still lose track of the important part. I think your dislike of currently trendy details and your desire to make a statement to all and sundry to remember the important part of a wedding [granted, this is always a good thing to remember] are not related in the slightest.

So, which one of those was really keeping you up at night?

Jack Cross - Total snobbery. It’s a pity that a couple has to worry about their photographer trashing their wedding on his blog because they used decor that didn’t suit his clearly superior taste.

John - Thanks for “seeing the forest thru the trees”.

Ngaire - I love this, just what I needed to hear. X

Faith - I can’t get this out of my head. I keep rereading it, thinking YES YES YES!

Jonas, I think you may have started a movement. :-)

alvaro arriagada - great words.
“weddings are about people”
thanks for share!

Carlos - Weedings are about people AND LIFE too! I welcome your post full of good karma and celebrate the fact that we need to move away from “stuffs’ …..not only in photography. By the way what a complement from the girl! Congratulations.
Carlos.

Brandy Minter - I’d like to shoot AMEN from the rooftops right now!
Ever since I was a little kid, the “fluff” and “stuff” part of weddings has genuinely bothered me. Never would have dreamed then that I’d one day be part of the wedding industry… This post eloquently expresses thoughts and feelings I’ve had for years now. I may just be sharing this link now and again… ;)

Sarah Chancey - Love this.

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Tim Driver - So So true – A wedding is about a couple and their families

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Derek Anson - This.

Kris - Very true :-) Thanks for sharing.

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