Category Archives: Personal
November 2006.
It was raining the night Noah was born. In a country in the middle of its worst drought in a 1000 years, the skies opened and drenched Melbourne in water. In the birth suite I could hear the rain pounding the windows with a rage I’ve never felt before. Of course there would be a flood the night Noah was born. The symbolism escaped no one. It was also obvious he had no plans to come out. It didn’t matter what we did, no creams or drips would force this little man to enter the stage this cold and rainy morning.
I had put a CD together with music both Jac and I love and for every time it went on repeat, I could see the doctors getting more and more concerned. To make matters worse, the whole room smelled of lavender, roses and lemon because of an oil burner a friend of ours had given us. On a heart monitor we could see Noah’s pulse go up and down because of all the drugs the doctors gave Jacqui.
The world smelled of lavender, roses and lemon.
And the rain kept falling.
The contractions got worse and worse, but Noah just wouldn’t budge. To the sounds of “It must be love”, I heard Jac whimper quietly, when the next song started she passed out.
It was an odd mix.
1. Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois – Sufjan Stevens
2. Scythian Empire – Andrew Bird
3. Hoppipolla – Sigur Ros
4. Fruit Tree – Nick Drake
5. Breathe – Alexi Murdoch
6. It must be love – Madness
7. Sister Winter – Sufjan Stevens
8. Odi et Amo – Johann Johannsson
9. Here’s to the future – Ken Stringfellow
10. Svefn G Englar – Sigur Ros
11. Hymn For Her – The Magic Numbers
12. Casmir Pulaski Day – Sufjan Stevens
13. Somewhere over the Rainbow – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
And just like everything else that night made perfect sense, Noah was born to a song I’ve always loved. After 24 hours in hospital the midwife told Jacqui to push. After two quick ones, and less than ten minutes, our son popped out to the sounds of the most beautiful ukulele in the world. It was seven in the morning. As I looked out the window, the rain suddenly stopped, the sun appeared behind heavy clouds and I called my family in Sweden.
Noah is born.
The sun is shining.
It’s a wonderful world.
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by Jonas
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July 1999.
“He died”, my mother said over the phone. I had been waiting for the call for ten years. Feared it all my life. My father was finally allowed to rest. Sleep. Suffer no more. I closed my eyes and asked my mother if she was ok. I still don’t remember what she said. Later that afternoon we drove down to the hospital. I have no idea how I got there, but I made it somehow. We asked for my father and they showed us into a room. And there he was in his bed. His hands grasping a small flower. Finally still. A candle on a bedside table. All was quiet.
“Oh, dear”, my mother said quietly.
I held her. For the first time in years he didn’t look like he was in pain. The lines on his face were smoother and you saw signs of the man he once was. Before the cancer.
It was finally over.
And for some reason the divide between us was gone. All the things never said, all the things I wished he’d done didn’t seem important. All the bitterness of having a father who never openly said he loved me. Gone. No anger. No resentment over the fact that he never ever said I made him proud. No more questioning why. No more accusations.
Instead acceptance.
And a silent promise not to hate.
You did what you could.
I still don’t understand why you couldn’t reach out to me, but never mind.
It’s ok, dad.
Sleep tight.
I’m not angry.
I miss you and wish you could see me now.
I think you’d like the man I’ve become.
X
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by Jonas
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It’s funny, really.
And a little sad.
As some of you know, I used to be a writer. Or I AM a writer. Once you start writing it’s pretty difficult to stop. And yet I did for some reason. I used to have a personal blog in Swedish, but after four years and a lot of exposure, I decided to let this blog be my main blog. And all of a sudden I didn’t know what to write. This is my shop front, my business, I’ve struggled with where to draw the line. I love writing about random stuff, but at the same time it feels a little bit strange when I am selling my services.
But I’ve decided to write again.
About whatever.
Random stuff.
Because I like it.
And if I write about the things that make me tick, maybe you’ll get a better picture of who I am.
Are you ok with that?
by Jonas
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I don’t know, some experiences can’t be captured in words. Mere letters have nothing on these illusive and vibrant moments in time.
Can’t even touch them.
The colours are suddenly brighter and you are absorbed with the richness of being. Your ears are ringing with the sounds around you. You sit there, with five cameras and a long career as a writer in your backpack, and yet you know.
Yet you know.
That the taste of a cold Bintang, accompanied by the smell of incense and the colours of a Bali sunset can’t be captured in words or images.
Nor should it be.
It’s a rare bird, not yet burdened by the weight of descriptive words.
It’s the first cold sip of Bintang a very warm afternoon in Bali.
Maybe you know what I mean.
And nod.
Reliving the experience.
I just had.
by Jonas
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Benj Haisch is a very talented Tacoma Wedding Photographer and one I’m proud to call my friend. We’re shooting a wedding together in July this year and I’m really looking forward to working with him.
After the quake in Haiti, Benj didn’t just talk about helping the people there, he actually jumped on a plane with friends and family and did something about it. I truly admire what he did.
Head over to his blog and check out his film about the trip.
by Jonas
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We’re in Byron Bay, one of my favorite places in the world. I’m trying to enjoy four days off work, something I find more difficult than anything. Running a small business is one of the most rewarding things I’ve done, but it also means you’re always working – because you have to and because you want to. I’ve made myself stay away from editing and designing albums this week, but the emails and phone calls are more difficult. Yesterday I simply turned my phone off. I’ll turn it back on again on Thursday when I come back to Brisbane.
It’s going to be a busy year (well it already is), so Jacqui and I need these four days to recharge.
And we are.
If only I could get off the internet.
I will.
Now.
by Jonas
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by Jonas
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