Your Favorite Music

[audio:https://www.box.com/shared/static/kg58j239x7oalefqrfiv.mp3]

“Your favorite music well it just makes you sad”, he sang while staring at me.

How the hell did you know that, I thought to myself.

There I was.

I felt naked.

See-through.

“But you like it cause you feel special that way”, he continued.

Come on, cut it out, don’t do this to me, I thought. Why do you have to tell everyone? The rest of the concert I stood there motionless. My eyes transfixed. Staring. Who the hell are you? How come you know these things about me?

“I can’t teach you to learn to love yourself, but here’s a sad song I wrote for no one else.”

He stared back at me. After every track he looked at me and smiled. Like some kind of singing guardian angel in nerdy glasses. When the others applauded, I just stood there.

Staring.

After the gig I asked someone if I could go backstage. Someone said yes. To this day I don’t know why. The room was dark. He was sitting on an old battered couch, a street light outside lighting up half his face.

“I thought you’d come.”

“What happened back there?”

“I don’t know.”

“You were…singing to me.”

“Ha, ha, well, I didn’t write it for you, but when I saw you standing there, I knew I kind of had. Tonight it’s your song.”

We sat there for a long, long time talking about life. His in Brooklyn. Mine in Gothenburg, Sweden. This is years ago now and my life is different in so many ways, but I often think of that night with Eef Barzelay.

Because my favorite music no longer makes me sad.


Your favorite music

Well it just makes you sad
Your favorite music
Well it just makes you sad
But you like it
Cause you feel special that way

You feel special
That you’re like no one else
You feel special
That you’re like no one else
But then you’re lonely
And you need someone to help

I can’t teach you
To learn to love yourself
I can’t teach you
To learn to love yourself
But here’s a sad song
That I wrote for no one else

music credit: Your Favorite Music – Clem Snide (iTunes)

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  1. I love your pictures but I miss your words. You show a little of who you are in your pictures but your texts in your Silverfisken blog went straight in. I guess you no longer are that person. At least not as much. I identified with what you wrote, not only being from Gothenburg in the same age as you and knowing your references, but more in searching for a place that felt home. I’m somewhat still searching but am closer to home now. And you feel very much at home. But still. I miss Silverfisken.

  2. You have an uncanny way of saying things I know I’ve been thinking but can’t quite put into words. What’s even more odd is that I’m sure many people feel the same way about your posts. Your expression through words is almost as lovely as your photographs Jonas.

  3. my favorite music always made me sad… but then it didn’t.

    and now I’m back to the point where it makes me sad again.

    sigh.

    such is life.

    thanks for sharing this moment with us, Jonas.

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